Lucy isn’t eating her breakfast this morning. This is always worrying because she’s so food motivated. I’m trying to let her rest. She woke me around 4a and it was obvious she’d been up for a while judging from what I had to clean up.

I don’t want to say goodbye.

I don’t know how to say goodbye.

I want to curl up in a ball and hold her close and tell her it’ll be ok. That she’ll be ok.

But it’s not going to be ok. She’s not going to get better.

I don’t mean to put my grieving on full display. Or maybe I do.

I don’t know what I mean to do.

I am hurting and so is she. I hate it.