(This post contains fucks.)
Today I Learned:
Gov. Noem is seen as a leading contender for the GOP vice presidential nomination alongside Trump. She also brags about shooting a puppy (not kidding this fucking sociopath fucking shot a puppy dead and boasts about it) and later, a goat.
Mortifying.
BEST NEWSLETTER ON SUBSTACK
I have a new favorite newsletter. Don’t worry, though, I still love Heather Cox-Richardson, but her writing style is a little bit, how shall we say, more refined than this gentleman’s?
I’ll say one thing, though - he sure knows how to write one helluva post title 😊
Filing under, “Funny ‘cause It’s True”.
THIS IS A CHICKEN 🥚
Posted to LinkedIn:
This is a Chicken.
Despite what the liberal media would have you believe, this is a chicken.
Immediately upon fertilization (and cryo-preservation) it is a chicken. All rights of chickenhood are bestowed upon it because it is a chicken. It can peck and eat insects and seeds, it can preen and take dust baths, and because it cannot sweat, it cools itself by dunking its beak in cold water or flapping its wings. It can even lay eggs (which this is not because it is a chicken) and hatch them. It can mate, and it can perch and it can roost. It is important to note that chicken life cannot be wrongfully destroyed without incurring the wrath of a holy God, who views the destruction of His image as an affront to Himself. Everyone recognizes that this is true of unborn chicken life no less than it is of all other chicken life—that even before birth, all chickens bear the image of God, and their lives cannot be destroyed without effacing his glory.
Except for when you pay money for a chicken to be raised, slaughtered inhumanly, defeathered, and deep fried for the church picnic.
Even God says a good scald on a chicken, which this is, is alright because that s*** is just finger licking good.
AN UNDECIDED VOTER’S DILEMMA OR MIRANDA NEEDS OUR HELP, YOU GUYS
NPR Watched Biden SOTU Speech with Undecided Voter Who ‘Wasn’t that Impressed’? | Snopes.com
The funny thing about this (not funny “ha ha” but funny “omg we’re all doomed and if I don’t nervously laugh about it I WILL have a meltdown and I WILL take you there with me”) is that any American is “undecided” on who she’s voting for.
What else on this entire earth do you possibly need to see with your own dull, listless, hollow eyes to make a decision? What more literal evidence do you need to have presented before you?
I mean, are you ok, Miranda? Because we’re all concerned.
I know it’s hard to make up your mind when you’re sipping daiquiris on a floatie drifting around in an Olympic sized pool of privilege, and when you get uncomfortable thinking about the political decisions being made impacting millions of other people’s rights but not yours so everything’s cool, and when your non-committal, coy, on-the-fence-I-just-don’t-know act brings all the politicians to the yard to court your vote which makes you feel like they actually care about you as a person so you feel a little less emptiness inside your pure white Christian soul, but come on. Undecided? Really?
Come on, Miranda.
Come on.
🙄
SCOTUS 🙄
Also is Mitch McConnell rotting in hell (where he belongs) yet?
I heard he’s gonna “retire” soon.
I hope that’s just a funny way of saying gonna “rot in hell (where he belongs)” soon.